ill will
2. Ill-Will
A. Nourishment of Ill-Will
There are objects causing aversion; frequently giving unwise attention to them — this is the nourishment for the arising of ill-will that has not yet arisen, and for the increase and strengthening of ill-will that has already arisen.
—
SN 46.51
B. Denourishing of Ill-Will
There is the liberation of the heart by loving-kindness; frequently giving wise attention to it — this is the denourishing of the arising of ill-will that has not yet arisen, and the decrease and weakening of ill-will that has already arisen.
—
SN 46.51
Cultivate the meditation on loving-kindness! For by cultivating the meditation on loving-kindness, ill-will disappears.
Cultivate the meditation on compassion! For by cultivating the meditation on compassion, cruelty disappears.
Cultivate the meditation on sympathetic joy! For by cultivating the meditation on sympathetic joy, listlessness disappears.
Cultivate the meditation on equanimity! For by cultivating the meditation on equanimity, anger disappears.
—
MN 62
Six things are helpful in conquering ill-will:
Learning how to meditate on loving-kindness;
Devoting oneself to the meditation of loving-kindness;
Considering that one is the owner and heir of one's actions (kamma);
Frequent reflection on it (in the following way):
Thus one should consider: "Being angry with another person, what can you do to him? Can you destroy his virtue and his other good qualities? Have you not come to your present state by your own actions, and will also go hence according to your own actions? Anger towards another is just as if someone wishing to hit another person takes hold of glowing coals, or a heated iron-rod, or of excrement. And, in the same way, if the other person is angry with you, what can he do to you? Can he destroy your virtue and your other good qualities? He too has come to his present state by his own actions and will go hence according to his own actions. Like an unaccepted gift or like a handful of dirt thrown against the wind, his anger will fall back on his own head."
Noble friendship;
Suitable conversation.
— Commentary to Satipatthana Sutta
These things, too, are helpful in conquering ill-will:
Rapture, of the factors of absorption (jhananga);
Faith, of the spiritual faculties (indriya);
Rapture and equanimity, of the factors of enlightenment (bojjhanga).
C. Simile
If there is a pot of water heated on the fire, the water seething and boiling, a man with a normal faculty of sight, looking into it, could not properly recognize and see the image of his own face. In the same way, when one's mind is possessed by ill-will, overpowered by ill-will, one cannot properly see the escape from the ill-will which has arisen; then one does not properly understand and see one's own welfare, nor that of another, nor that of both; and also texts memorized a long time ago do not come into one's mind, not to speak of those not memorized.
—
SN 46.55
First responder reaction to anger: wise selfishness
http://notesonthedhamma.blogspot.com/2021/01/first-responder-action-to-anger-even.html
What works best for me, to get rid of anger, no matter how justified it is, is to just focus on wise selfishness.
That is, I want what's best for myself.
Anger damages my qi, my health, my spiritual practice, etc.
I want to be in optimum health with maximum qi to be in the strongest position to attain awakening.
So the first, immediate first responder reaction to anger I try to cultivate, is to remember (sati, "mindfulness") to be selfish (in a wise way), look out for number one, value my own well being, do no harm to myself, the person I care about most in this world, nurture that basic instinct to be good to myself and minimize any harmful effects to my own health that anger anger can cause.
Especially when there's righteous anger to a grave evil done, we have a tendency to justify to ourselves it's ok and reasonable to be angry in the situation. But in the heat of anger we forget this does great harm to ourselves.
Besides, if we've already been victimized by someone once, every time we get angry, it's like giving them a free punch or a knife to stab us again and again every time we remember the evil they did. The anger of recalling it just harms ourselves again and again. Really senseless if you think about it. Why would you let the evil perpetrator victimize you not just once, but multiple times? For days? For years? Even for lifetimes with angry ghosts seeking revenge getting pay back hundreds of years later.
But in the heat of anger all rationality disappears, and we're not going to be able to apply the Dharma.
So that's why I find it's easiest to cultivate the basic instinct of self preservation, remembering that anger does great harm to our self.
So protect ourselves first, ask questions and find long term solutions later.
Afterwards, from a calm state of mind, then work on all the typical good strategies taught in the suttas to get rid of anger permanently in a Dharmic way.
"do jhana first, ask questions later."
Another thing I try to do when working through anger and forgiveness, is remember the mantra,
do jhana first, ask questions later.
So get in a jhana state of mind first, and then equanimously work through the thought process. If anger comes in, pause, take a time out, go back into jhana first before resuming working through of issues.
This goes hand in hand with the wise selfishness of self preservation, being kind to ourselves first and not harming ourselves.