It's only as hard as you make it
A reference manual and toolkit for overcoming and destroying lust and passion for the five cords of sensual pleasure.
This book will endeavor to leave out the pāḷi,
just summarize excerpts from key suttas in plain language.
for more in depth and detailed doctrinal treatment of this subject, see:
+0 – Introduction and preliminaries
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+0.1 – What does "It's only as hard as you make it” actually mean?
In short, we usually sabotage ourselves right from the start by thinking something is impossible or very difficult,
when it need not be.
Here are some of the ways:
**Self-Imposed Difficulty**:
The challenges you're facing are influenced by your mindset.
If you approach something with a negative attitude or overcomplicate it,
it will feel more difficult than it actually is.
**Mind Over Matter**:
Your perception and mental approach play a big role in how difficult something seems.
If you believe you can handle a task,
it may feel easier, and vice versa.
**Effort-Based**:
How much effort, preparation, or time you invest can affect the difficulty.
If you don't put in the effort or if you procrastinate,
the task may become harder.
**Simplification vs. Overcomplication**:
Sometimes people overthink or overanalyze tasks,
making them more difficult than they need to be.
This phrase can be a reminder to simplify the approach.
**Personal Accountability**:
It highlights personal responsibility,
implying that you're partly responsible for the challenges you face.
If you view a situation as too hard,
it might be because you're making it that way.
**Optimism vs. Pessimism**:
This could be about attitude —
if you’re pessimistic or doubtful, everything seems harder,
while optimism can make things seem more manageable.
**Control Over Reactions**:
You can’t always control the situation,
but you can control your reaction to it.
How hard something feels depends on how you choose to react.
Each of these interpretations ties back to the idea that difficulty is often shaped by our mindset or approach.
+0.2 – But a much deeper Buddhist meaning...
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What does "It's only as hard as you make it” actually mean?
In the context of overcoming lust and passion,
which seems impossible?
When the 5 sensory faculties contact the 5 external sensory input,
eyes seeing form, ears hearing sound,
etc.,
You take that raw sensory data, form perceptions about that sensory experience,
and then you "make", you sankhāra (volition) that experience into signs (nimitta) and features.
You "make" the determination of that experience being pleasant,
painful, neutral.
You "make" the determination of that experience being useful,
dangerous, beautiful, ugly, etc.
When you are misled by the sign of beauty (subha nimitta),
and "make" volitions to like, attach,
grab on to that pleasant experience,
own it, possess it, become it,"
make" it part of your empire of "self
",
You "make" your own suffering.
You have veto power.
You don't have to "make" your own suffering.
You can see the 5 streams of sensory data as empty,
unreal, unreliable, unworthy of attraction,
grabbing, attaching, owning.
Then you realize you don't have to
"make" suffering.
You have veto power, you have free will every moment,
if you train your mind properly.
Instead of making suffering,
You "make" peace, contentment, detachment,
happiness.
+It's only as hard as you make it.
❧
+1 – Standard EBT toolkit for destroying lust
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+1.1 – Mastery of perception
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+§1.1 – asubha (perceive un-attractiveness)
do a-subha 🧟 perception (most notably using 31asb🧟),
to counteract perception of subha (beautiful women).
feed find with asubha instead of letting it’s natural inclination to feed on subha
+§1.2 – be aware of sly and covert subha)
become aware of sly and covert subha perceptions that we don't think of as feeding lust,
such as building strong muscles at the gym (AN 7.51).
+§1.3 – replace bad subha with good subha)
neutralize subha by substituting perceptions: trick mind into
turning subha of beautiful women into neutral perception of platonic blood relatives.
See women nonsexually, according to age,
as you would your sister, daughter,
mother, etc. In general, use 5👑abi️ to turn any negative perception into a skillful one.
For example, when feeling horny (negative),
turn it into a positive by perceiving that one has strong mojo and force in order to feel horny,
the same force allows one to clear up energy channels and advance in jhānas quickly.
Whereas indulging in horniness will quickly kill or lower jhāna quality and health.
+1.2 – Eat food in moderation
2b.
When solid food (is) completely-understood,
{desire for the} five sensuality-strings 5kg is completely-understood.
When 5kg is completely understood, nirvana happens.
2c.
(Non EBT comment: eating nutrient rich foods like meat,
pungent roots like garlic and onion stimulates lust and production of sexual fluids)
+1.3 – Guard 6 doors of the senses
Guard 6 sense doors as in AN 4.14 and AN 3.16,
right now, every moment, not 5 minutes from now when lust has grown from a campfire into a raging 2000 acre inferno.
+1.4 – develop 4 jhānas
Not only is the mind in samādhi necessary to penetrate into the nature of lust to transcend it,
but when you have a pleasure much greater than lust,
and even greater than pleasure in the highest god realms,
you won't be tempted on inferior 5kg lust.
First Jhāna is much easier than you think (j1🌘 easy).
+1.5 – lessons of the instructive dead
sometimes the best way to learn what you should do is by carefully
studying and understanding what things you shouldn't do and why.
See Vin sex offense rules and kāma crime💘🦹 database.
+1.6 – You can’t destroy what you don’t understand
It always comes back to 4 nobles truths.
knowing, seeing, understanding dukkha,
lust, passion.
seeing and understanding the cause.
abandon the conditions and causes which produce lust and suffering.
Otherwise doing asubha is just a trick to distract yourself from your worst impulses.
Understanding the nature of lust MN 54 similes for disadvantages of kama MN 75 best simile of all time,
leper scratching itch.
AN 5.55 mother and son incest SN 46.51 feeding the mind with a-subha 🧟 to starve lust for subha.
Understanding the nature of lust
MN 54 similes for disadvantages of kama
MN 75 best simile of all time, leper scratching itch.
AN 5.55 mother and son incest
SN 46.51 feeding the mind with a-subha 🧟 to starve lust for subha.
❧
+2 – Don’t fall for the FIB
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Understanding the nature of lust
MN 54 similes for disadvantages of kama
MN 75 best simile of all time, leper scratching itch.
AN 5.55 mother and son incest
SN 46.51 feeding the mind with a-subha 🧟 to starve lust for subha.
Inspiring stories of conquering lust
AN 5.75 AN 5.76 similes of warriors conquest over temptation.
SN 8.4 Ananda's advice to (future) arahant Vangisa obsessed with lust, just like the rest of us.
Multimedia a-subha 🧟 tools 🔗part 1 | 🔗part 2 (for advanced)
🔗audio material
🔗 AN 7.51 so you think working out at the gym is healthy and harmless?
🔗MN 13 helpful images: gratification, drawback, escape from 5kg, rūpa, and vedana
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+It's only as hard as you make it
A toolkit for destroying lust and passion for sensuality (kāma and 5kg)
AN 3.16 1. guard sense doors, 2. moderation in eating, 3. walk and sit meditation in free time.
SN 8.4 Ananda's advice to (future) arahant Vangisa obsessed with lust. Turning away from subha nimitta and also do 31asb🧟. SN 35.127 1. see women as mom, sister, daughter. 2. When I do a-subha 🧟 with 31asb🧟, I still just see subha (beautiful women). 3. guard sense doors
SN 12.63 clarifies the purpose of AN 3.16's understanding the nutriment of food leads to understanding the nature of lust.
AN 7.51 men's unwise attention to masculine features leads to lust for feminine features. Working out in gym is much more dangerous than you think.
MN 14: even though a disciple see with wisdom that sensual pleasures are dangerous and unsatisfying, until they have the pleasure of jhānas 4j🌕 (at minimum j1🌘), they are still tempted by coarse sensual pleasures.
Vin: In the Vinaya, studying Pārājika #1 and relevant Saṅghādisesā sections on lust, as well as keeping in mind this advice the Buddha gave his monks: 👉👄🐍 It would be better, foolish-man, for your penis to enter the mouth of a terrible and poisonous snake rather than {inserting your penis into a} woman’s vagina.
AN 3.16 1. guard sense doors, 2. moderation in eating, 3. walk and sit meditation in free time.
SN 8.4 Ananda's advice to (future) arahant Vangisa obsessed with lust. Turning away from subha nimitta and also do 31asb🧟. SN 35.127 1. see women as mom, sister, daughter. 2. When I do a-subha 🧟 with 31asb🧟, I still just see subha (beautiful women). 3. guard sense doors
SN 12.63 clarifies the purpose of AN 3.16's understanding the nutriment of food leads to understanding the nature of lust.
AN 7.51 men's unwise attention to masculine features leads to lust for feminine features. Working out in gym is much more dangerous than you think.
MN 14: even though a disciple see with wisdom that sensual pleasures are dangerous and unsatisfying, until they have the pleasure of jhānas 4j🌕 (at minimum j1🌘), they are still tempted by coarse sensual pleasures.
Vin: In the Vinaya, studying Pārājika #1 and relevant Saṅghādisesā sections on lust, as well as keeping in mind this advice the Buddha gave his monks: 👉👄🐍 It would be better, foolish-man, for your penis to enter the mouth of a terrible and poisonous snake rather than {inserting your penis into a} woman’s vagina.
Summary of tools in key suttas above
1. asubha counteracts subha.
1b. become aware of covert subha.
1c. neutralize subha by substituting perceptions.
2. eat food correctly.
2b. understand nutriment of food to understand lust and passion.
3. guard sense doors, always.
4. do jhāna and partial jhāna, all the time.
5. what not to do and why.
1. do a-subha 🧟 perception (most notably using 31asb🧟), to counteract perception of subha (beautiful women).
      1b. become aware of sly and covert subha perceptions that we don't think of as feeding lust, such as building strong muscles at the gym (AN 7.51).
      1c. neutralize subha by substituting perceptions: trick mind into turning subha of beautiful women into neutral perception of platonic blood relatives. See women nonsexually, according to age, as you would your sister, daughter, mother, etc. In general, use 5👑abi️ to turn any negative perception into a skillful one. For example, when feeling horny (negative), turn it into a positive by perceiving that one has strong mojo and force in order to feel horny, the same force allows one to clear up energy channels and advance in jhānas quickly. Whereas indulging in horniness will quickly kill or lower jhāna quality and health.
2. Eat food in moderation.
      2b. When solid food (is) completely-understood, {desire for the} five sensuality-strings 5kg is completely-understood. When 5kg is completely understood, nirvana happens.
      2c. (Non EBT comment: eating nutrient rich foods like meat, pungent roots like garlic and onion stimulates lust and production of sexual fluids)
3. Guard 6 sense doors as in AN 4.14 and AN 3.16, right now, every moment, not 5 minutes from now when lust has grown from a campfire into a raging 2000 acre inferno.
4. Develop 4 Jhānas. Not only is the mind in samādhi necessary to penetrate into the nature of lust to transcend it, but when you have a pleasure much greater than lust, and even greater than pleasure in the highest god realms, you won't be tempted on inferior 5kg lust. First Jhāna is much easier than you think (j1🌘 easy).
5. Lessons from the instructive dead, or: sometimes the best way to learn what you should do is by carefully studying and understanding what things you shouldn't do and why. See Vin sex offense rules and kāma crime database.
1. asubha counteracts subha.
1b. become aware of covert subha.
1c. neutralize subha by substituting perceptions.
2. eat food correctly.
2b. understand nutriment of food to understand lust and passion.
3. guard sense doors, always.
4. do jhāna and partial jhāna, all the time.
5. what not to do and why.
1. do a-subha 🧟 perception (most notably using 31asb🧟), to counteract perception of subha (beautiful women).
      1b. become aware of sly and covert subha perceptions that we don't think of as feeding lust, such as building strong muscles at the gym (AN 7.51).
      1c. neutralize subha by substituting perceptions: trick mind into turning subha of beautiful women into neutral perception of platonic blood relatives. See women nonsexually, according to age, as you would your sister, daughter, mother, etc. In general, use 5👑abi️ to turn any negative perception into a skillful one. For example, when feeling horny (negative), turn it into a positive by perceiving that one has strong mojo and force in order to feel horny, the same force allows one to clear up energy channels and advance in jhānas quickly. Whereas indulging in horniness will quickly kill or lower jhāna quality and health.
2. Eat food in moderation.
      2b. When solid food (is) completely-understood, {desire for the} five sensuality-strings 5kg is completely-understood. When 5kg is completely understood, nirvana happens.
      2c. (Non EBT comment: eating nutrient rich foods like meat, pungent roots like garlic and onion stimulates lust and production of sexual fluids)
3. Guard 6 sense doors as in AN 4.14 and AN 3.16, right now, every moment, not 5 minutes from now when lust has grown from a campfire into a raging 2000 acre inferno.
4. Develop 4 Jhānas. Not only is the mind in samādhi necessary to penetrate into the nature of lust to transcend it, but when you have a pleasure much greater than lust, and even greater than pleasure in the highest god realms, you won't be tempted on inferior 5kg lust. First Jhāna is much easier than you think (j1🌘 easy).
5. Lessons from the instructive dead, or: sometimes the best way to learn what you should do is by carefully studying and understanding what things you shouldn't do and why. See Vin sex offense rules and kāma crime database.
Understanding the nature of lust
MN 54 similes for disadvantages of kama
MN 75 best simile of all time, leper scratching itch.
AN 5.55 mother and son incest
SN 46.51 feeding the mind with a-subha 🧟 to starve lust for subha.
Inspiring stories of conquering lust
AN 5.75 AN 5.76 similes of warriors conquest over temptation.
SN 8.4 Ananda's advice to (future) arahant Vangisa obsessed with lust, just like the rest of us.
Multimedia a-subha 🧟 tools 🔗part 1 | 🔗part 2 (for advanced)
🔗audio material
🔗 AN 7.51 so you think working out at the gym is healthy and harmless?
🔗MN 13 helpful images: gratification, drawback, escape from 5kg, rūpa, and vedana
+2.20 – Don’t fall for the FIB
F.I.B. = (F)ooled by the (I)mperative of (B)iology
What is BI (Biological Imperative)?
In general, most of BI falls under the three F’s.
Feeding, Fighting, Fornication.
One of the keys to overcoming carnal lust,
passion, sensuality (desire for 5 strings of sensual pleasure),
is understanding the true nature of BI.
BI is impersonal.
You have roughly 75 trillion cells in your body,
each cell has a life span of less than 7 years.
They clone themselves, imperfectly, and billions of cells die,
are cloned, and recycled and eliminated from “your” body everyday.
This process is happening continuously.
On the micro (personal) level, this is happening.
On the macro level, living organisms,
including humans, survive by reproducing,
allowing the species to survive.
Now feeding and caring for yourself, let alone a partner,
offspring, family, clan, is a lot of work.
Before industrialization, even the simple act of eating for survival was a monumental struggle.
It’s a lot of work, a lot of suffering to survive on the micro and macro level.
How did humans and other species manage to survive?
Enter BI (biological imperative).
This comes in the form of pain and pleasure.
Pain lets you know you’re doing something harmful to micro and macro survival.
Pleasure floods your brain with addictive euphoric chemicals
that pervade your whole physical body and you feel powerless to resist its addictive urges.
So how can you surmount this seemingly irrestible force?
Lots of practice, patience, diligence,
and forgiving yourself for missteps.
Just as one can be disciplined in eating once or day,
or eating only between sunrise and solar noon time,
one gradually comes to deeply understand that those physical euphoric pleasurable feelings are just BI.
Don’t fall for the FIB, don’t be ruled by the biological imperative.
Understand it, and put it in its proper place.
You need to respond to pain to prevent harming your physical health,
and to an extent you need to listen to pleasurable feelings (sukha
vedana) from eating to tune in to know which foods contain nutrients you need.
Needs change with time and conditions depending on how you use your body.
But beyond those essential survival needs,
don’t fall for the FIB.
If you’re aiming for nirvana, following the precepts of celibacy/chastity/brahmacariya,
you can completely ignore sexual impulses.
BI that is related to sleeping and eating,
you have to pay attention to,
but sexual urges you can train yourself to completely ignore,
they only do you harm.
Treat them like you would robo calls,
unsolicited advertising, spam.
Incinerate immediately.
If you don’t, you give it potential to harm you gravely.
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+2.21 – BIF the FIB
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Invert the FIB: slave becomes master.
B.I.F. = biological imperative falsified.
B.I.F. = biological imperative failed.
+§21.1 – Ajahn Chah simile of nostril
It’s the same with the senses.
Sexual intercourse excites the minds of people,
but it really isn’t different from sticking a finger in your nostril.
Would that mean anything special to you?
But worldly beings have this attachment to the other entrance;
whether it is animals or humans, it has special importance to them.
If it were a finger picking a nostril,
they wouldn’t get excited over that.
But the sight of this one inflames us.
Why is this?
This is where becoming is.
If we don’t attach special importance to it,
then it’s just the same as putting a finger in your nostril.
Whatever happened inside, you wouldn’t get excited;
you’d just pull out some snot and be done with it.
Right restraint
In 1979 in Barre, Massachusetts, during a question-and-answer session while on retreat,
someone asked Ajahn Chah, “Is it necessarily a barrier to be in a sexual relationship?
Can one not view sex in terms of it being the dance of the sacred marriage?
Couldn’t it be noble and mystical?”
After Ajahn Chah had the question translated,
he pondered for a moment and then started picking his nose in a very graphic and extended way.
When everyone was rolling on the floor laughing and he was sure they definitely got the point,
he pulled his finger out of his nose:
“There’s nothing more to it than that,
except what the mind adds to it.”
Perhaps this story has been altered a bit in the telling,
but it’s still a good story.
❧
+3 – Inspiring stories of conquering lust
+4 – Multimedia a-subha 🧟 tools
+5 – science of sexual desire
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Note: this section is an AI research-based survey. It has not been verified.
+5.1 – Etymology of "Horny"
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+§1.1 – Origin
5.1.1.1. Derives from the word horn, not from hormones.
5.1.1.2. Old English meaning: "made of horn" or "having horns" (e.g., a horny hand = hard, calloused skin).
+§1.2 – Development of the sexual sense
5.1.2.1. Likely route: association of horns with male animals in rut, plus the visual and physical link to erection.
5.1.2.2. "Horn" was already slang for erection before "horny" meant aroused.
5.1.2.3. Sexual sense appears in print in the late 1800s, widespread by the early 20th century.
5.1.2.4. Related older phrase: "horn-mad" (sexual frenzy), separate from the cuckold's-horns joke.
+§1.3 – The hormone coincidence
5.1.3.1. "Hormone" comes from Greek hormaein ("to set in motion, urge on"), coined around 1905.
5.1.3.2. Sounds similar to "horny" but has a completely separate origin.
5.1.3.3. Hormones do, however, play a real role in sexual desire.
+5.2 – Sex Differences in Desire (Humans)
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+§2.1 – What the research shows
5.2.1.1. Men report higher average desire (Baumeister et al., 2001): more sexual thoughts, more frequent desire, more masturbation, more wish for partners.
5.2.1.2. Later work agrees on a modest-to-moderate average gap, sometimes smaller.
5.2.1.3. Variation within each sex is far larger than the gap between them.
5.2.1.4. Many women have higher drive than the typical man, and vice versa.
+§2.2 – Style of desire
5.2.2.1. Spontaneous desire: arrives unprompted; more typical of men.
5.2.2.2. Responsive desire: builds after touch, intimacy, or a good context; more common in women.
5.2.2.3. Women's desire is more variable across the lifespan and more context-dependent (relationship quality, stress, safety, cycle phase).
5.2.2.4. Many women report a peak around ovulation.
+§2.3 – Are women just as horny but "lying on surveys"?
5.2.3.1. Evidence for under-reporting
• "Bogus pipeline" studies: women's reported numbers rise when they believe a lie detector is attached.
• Women's physiological and stated arousal often mismatch, so questionnaires may miss part of the picture.
5.2.3.2. Evidence the gap is partly real
• Persists in egalitarian, sexually liberal countries.
• Gay men report more frequent sex than lesbian couples on average (no partner mismatch or slut-shaming confound).
• Testosterone, a strong libido driver in everyone, is much higher in men.
5.2.3.3. Best current view: a modest real average difference plus a different style of desire.
+5.3 – Female Receptivity Windows
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+§3.1 – Humans
5.3.1.1. Fertile window is about 6 days (5 days before ovulation plus ovulation day).
5.3.1.2. Egg survives 12 to 24 hours; sperm up to 5 days.
5.3.1.3. Desire peak around ovulation is modest and varies widely; some women show none, others a second bump before menstruation.
5.3.1.4. Humans have no true estrus: sexual interest and receptivity occur at any cycle point, during pregnancy, and after menopause.
5.3.1.5. This decoupling of sex from fertility is unusual among mammals.
+§3.2 – Other female animals (receptive window per cycle)
| § | Species | Receptive window | Cycle / frequency |
|---|---|---|---|
| 5.3.2.1 | Mice and rats | ~12 to 14 hours | every 4 to 5 days |
| 5.3.2.2 | Cows | ~12 to 18 hours | every ~21 days |
| 5.3.2.3 | Sheep | ~24 to 36 hours | seasonal breeding period |
| 5.3.2.4 | Pigs | 2 to 3 days | every ~21 days |
| 5.3.2.5 | Elephants | a few days | about every 4 months |
| 5.3.2.6 | Horses | 5 to 7 days | every ~21 days in season |
| 5.3.2.7 | Dogs | ~5 to 9 days | usually twice a year |
| 5.3.2.8 | Cats | ~4 to 7 days | repeats every few weeks until mated |
| 5.3.2.9 | Chimpanzees | ~10 days of swelling | ~35-day cycle |
| 5.3.2.10 | Bonobos | much larger share of the cycle | sex continues outside fertile phase |
| 5.3.2.11 | Seasonal species | days to weeks | one or two windows per year |
+§3.3 – Pattern
5.3.3.1. Range runs from "a few hours, then nothing" (cows, rodents) to "almost always interested" (bonobos, humans).
5.3.3.2. Short, sharp windows produce the most dramatic behavior; extended receptivity tends to serve social bonding as well as reproduction.
+5.4 – Evolutionary and Ecological Explanations
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+§4.1 – Animals: male vs. female eagerness
5.4.1.1. In many mammals, females are intensely driven but only during estrus; males are often willing nearly constantly.
5.4.1.2. Some species have clearly female-aggressive pursuers (spotted hyenas, bonobos, some primates at peak fertility, many insects and birds).
5.4.1.3. Bateman's principle: males gain more from extra matings, females invest more per offspring and are choosier.
5.4.1.4. Modern research softens this: females also benefit from multiple mating in many species.
+§4.2 – Does a rich diet allow constant horniness?
5.4.2.1. Energy abundance acts as a permission, not the cause.
5.4.2.2. Scarcity suppresses desire and ovulation (famine, extreme dieting, heavy training; e.g., hypothalamic amenorrhea).
5.4.2.3. Good nutrition is probably necessary for year-round sexual interest.
+§4.3 – What likely drives year-round sex in humans and bonobos
5.4.3.1. Sex used for bonding and conflict-smoothing (very clear in bonobos).
5.4.3.2. Concealed ovulation in humans, which may keep partners invested and obscure paternity.
5.4.3.3. Pair bonding and long childhood dependence favor connection beyond fertile days.
5.4.3.4. Bonobos live in a food-rich habitat, but chimps eat well too and still tie sex to the fertile window, so abundance enables and social payoffs drive.
+5.5 – masturbation
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+§5.1 – human male
5.5.1.1. Masturbation is near-universal among men; large surveys (e.g., the US National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, 2010) find most men report it in the past year, at every adult age band.
5.5.1.2. Frequency is one of the largest and most consistent sex differences in sexuality research (Oliver and Hyde, 1993; Petersen and Hyde, 2010).
5.5.1.3. It usually begins around puberty, peaks in adolescence and young adulthood, and declines with age but persists across the lifespan.
5.5.1.4. Men in sexually active relationships still masturbate; it works partly as a complement to partnered sex, not only a substitute for it.
5.5.1.5. Ejaculation is followed by the male refractory period (see 5.9.1).
5.5.1.6. Health findings
• Higher ejaculation frequency has been associated with lower prostate cancer risk (Rider et al., 2016); the link is observational, not proven causal.
• Mainstream medicine regards it as normal; the 18th-19th century "self-abuse" panic attributing disease to it has no scientific support.
+§5.2 – human female
5.5.2.1. Most women report having masturbated, but on average less often than men, and more women than men report never doing so.
5.5.2.2. Variation between women is very large, in line with the more context-dependent, responsive desire described in 5.2.2 (style of desire).
5.5.2.3. Under-reporting is likely because of stronger stigma (see 5.2.3).
5.5.2.4. Most women masturbate mainly by clitoral stimulation, and many reach orgasm more reliably this way than through intercourse alone.
5.5.2.5. Vibrator use is common: about half of US women in one national survey had used one (Herbenick et al., 2009).
5.5.2.6. Reported benefits
• Relief of tension, better sleep, and easing of menstrual cramps are commonly reported; research on these is limited.
• Women can often continue to further orgasms without a mandatory pause (see 5.9.2).
+§5.3 – animals
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+§3.1 – Males
5.5.3.1.1. Documented in macaques, chimps, baboons, gorillas, dogs, horses, bulls, elephants, dolphins, deer, bats, and others.
5.5.3.1.2. Some bats can do it orally; male deer can ejaculate by rubbing antlers on vegetation.
5.5.3.1.3. Ejaculation is visible, a decent proxy for orgasm.
+§3.2 – Females
5.5.3.2.1. Documented in bonobos, macaques, capuchins, chimps, dolphins, elephants, horses, and others.
5.5.3.2.2. Methods include rubbing on objects, using hands or feet, or using tools.
5.5.3.2.3. Orgasm is hard to confirm; best evidence is in stump-tailed macaques (uterine contractions, heart rate changes, vocalization).
5.5.3.2.4. Elsewhere it is inferred from behavior.
+§3.3 – Is it about relieving pressure?
5.5.3.3.1. The "hydraulic" idea only partly holds up. Proposed functions:
• Pleasure and stress relief (higher rates in captivity suggest boredom and stress).
• Sperm quality ("sperm flushing" hypothesis).
• Infection prevention (flushing pathogens from the tract).
• Practice and play (juveniles).
• Social signaling (status or arousal displays).
5.5.3.3.2. Animals with plenty of mating access still do it.
5.5.3.3.3. Occurs in the wild too, but captivity makes it easier to observe, which skews data.
+5.6 – Additional Angles
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+§6.1 – Brain wiring
5.6.1.1. Wanting vs. liking: dopamine drives craving; opioids and other systems drive pleasure. Explains urgent desire with mediocre payoff and the power of novelty.
5.6.1.2. Dual control model: accelerator (excitation) and brake (inhibition from stress, anxiety, distraction, risk). Women on average show more brake sensitivity.
+§6.2 – Hormones beyond the obvious
5.6.2.1. Women have roughly a tenth or less of men's testosterone, but it still matters for their libido; menopause or ovary removal often lowers it.
5.6.2.2. SSRIs commonly dampen desire in both sexes; chronic stress and poor sleep also do.
5.6.2.3. Libido is a decent barometer of general health.
+§6.3 – Body vs. mind mismatch
5.6.3.1. Women's genital response is often triggered by a broad range of stimuli, including ones they say don't interest them (one study: even bonobos mating).
5.6.3.2. Men's genital response tends to match stated preferences more closely.
+§6.4 – Novelty and the Coolidge effect
5.6.4.1. Seemingly spent males (rats, sheep, others) revive with a new partner.
5.6.4.2. Evidence in females is thinner but exists.
5.6.4.3. Suggests desire is partly tuned to variety, not only physiological pressure.
+§6.5 – The recovery gap
5.6.5.1. Most men have a refractory period after orgasm.
5.6.5.2. Many women can have further orgasms right away; not universal.
+§6.6 – Plasticity
5.6.6.1. Baumeister and others argue women's sexuality is more malleable and shaped by culture and circumstance.
5.6.6.2. Men's tends to be more fixed once established. This is contested.
+§6.7 – Mismatch with the modern world
5.6.7.1. Desire evolved where sexual cues were rare; erotic stimuli are now endless and free.
5.6.7.2. Some researchers think this alters expression of desire; evidence is still being sorted out and the topic is heated.
+§6.8 – Variation at the edges
5.6.8.1. Roughly 1% of people are asexual (little or no sexual attraction).
5.6.8.2. Some people show hypersexual or compulsive patterns.
5.6.8.3. "Normal" desire is a wide spectrum, not one dial.
+5.7 – Prison Sexual Violence and Horniness
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+§7.1 – Main finding
5.7.1.1. Rape is not primarily about horniness; it is chiefly about power.
+§7.2 – Research evidence
5.7.2.1. Perpetrators and victims point to power, dominance, and status: establishing hierarchy, humiliating rivals, enforcing gang dynamics.
5.7.2.2. Many perpetrators see themselves as straight; the aggressor keeps masculine status while the victim is degraded.
5.7.2.3. Most prisoners never rape anyone, despite years of deprivation. Perpetrators tend to have histories of violence, gang ties, or a taste for dominance.
5.7.2.4. US federal surveys: a few percent of inmates report sexual victimization yearly, and a large share of incidents involve staff, who are not sexually deprived.
+§7.3 – Where horniness does fit
5.7.3.1. Deprivation shapes the setting; consensual or semi-consensual situational sex occurs between otherwise straight men.
5.7.3.2. Gray-area coercion exists (sex traded for protection or goods).
5.7.3.3. Opportunity matters: weak supervision, overcrowding, impunity.
+§7.4 – Broader pattern
5.7.4.1. Outside prison, rape is linked to antisocial traits, hostility, entitlement, and opportunity.
5.7.4.2. Rapists often have available consensual partners.
+§7.5 – Animal parallels
5.7.5.1. Same-sex mounting (dogs, macaques, cattle, others) is often about dominance and rank, not mating drive.
5.7.5.2. Forced copulation occurs in some species (ducks, certain insects and primates) and is studied as a reproductive strategy, not pressure release.
+5.8 – homosexual activity
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+§8.1 – Male-Male Sexual Behavior in Animals
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+§1.1 – Prevalence
5.8.1.1.1. Documented in well over 1,500 species.
5.8.1.1.2. Most is mounting without penetration; confirming orgasm is difficult.
+§1.2 – Documented examples with penetration or close to it
5.8.1.2.1. Giraffes: necking then mounting; ejaculation observed; in some field studies most observed sex was male-male.
5.8.1.2.2. Macaques: mounting with thrusting; penetration and ejaculation reported.
5.8.1.2.3. Bonobos and chimps: mostly genital rubbing and mounting; penetration less common.
5.8.1.2.4. Dolphins: genital and anal contact among bonded males; anal and blowhole penetration described.
5.8.1.2.5. Sheep: about 8% of rams prefer males; some exclusively; they mount and ejaculate.
5.8.1.2.6. Bison, bulls, elephants, walruses, sea otters, lions: mounting well documented; penetration reported in some.
5.8.1.2.7. Penguins and other birds: mounting and cloacal contact; same-sex pairs have raised chicks, famously in zoos.
5.8.1.2.8. Insects: bedbug traumatic insemination (abdominal, not anal); mistaken mounting in some beetles and flies.
+§1.3 – Orgasm
5.8.1.3.1. Ejaculation is the easy marker (seen in giraffes, rams, macaques).
5.8.1.3.2. Whether it matches human orgasm cannot be known directly; it is inferred from physiology and behavior.
+§1.4 – Reasons
5.8.1.4.1. Dominance and rank.
5.8.1.4.2. Social bonding and tension reduction (bonobos, dolphins).
5.8.1.4.3. Practice or play (juveniles).
5.8.1.4.4. Mistaken identity or opportunism (insects).
5.8.1.4.5. Preference (rams, some penguin and albatross pairs).
+§8.2 – Female-Female Sexual Behavior
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+§2.1 – In prisons
5.8.2.1.1. Situational relationships are common. Women's prisons are described as having more emotionally based relationships than men's.
• Many women form couples and "pseudo-families" with roles like mother, father, and daughter.
• Sex is often part of a bond that supplies companionship, protection, and a substitute for life outside.
5.8.2.1.2. Many participants are not lesbian outside prison. As with men, the label often doesn't carry over, and many return to male partners after release.
5.8.2.1.3. Coercion exists but is less central.
• US surveys have found inmate-on-inmate sexual victimization rates comparable to or somewhat higher among women than men.
• It is often tied to jealousy or relationship conflict and to a smaller group of aggressors, not to a hierarchy-and-dominance system like that in men's prisons.
5.8.2.1.4. Staff abuse is a major problem.
• A large share of reported sexual victimization in women's facilities involves staff, mostly male guards.
• Many incarcerated women have prior abuse histories, which complicates consent and trust.
5.8.2.1.5. Deprivation isn't the whole story. Most incarcerated women are not involved in coercion, and many have no sexual contact inside at all.
+§2.2 – In the animal kingdom
5.8.2.2.1. Bonobos: frequent genital rubbing between females (GG rubbing) that reduces tension, builds alliances, and occurs in many contexts, not only when fertile.
5.8.2.2.2. Japanese macaques: females form temporary "consortships" in the breeding season, mounting with pelvic thrusts and sometimes showing signs consistent with orgasm; it occurs even when males are available, so it isn't only a substitute.
5.8.2.2.3. Laysan albatrosses: in some colonies, many female-female pairs (around a third in one Hawaiian colony) nest together and raise chicks, often using sperm from a male they briefly mate with; tied to a shortage of males.
5.8.2.2.4. Cows: cows in heat mount other cows, which farmers use to detect estrus; a hormonal behavior, not a preference.
5.8.2.2.5. Whiptail lizards: all-female, parthenogenetic species; courtship and mounting between females stimulates ovulation and boosts egg production.
5.8.2.2.6. Others: dolphins, gulls, flamingos, and bats also show documented female-female contact.
+§2.3 – Reasons
5.8.2.3.1. Social bonding and tension reduction (bonobos, macaques).
5.8.2.3.2. Coalition building and rank (some primates).
5.8.2.3.3. Hormonal mounting during estrus (cattle and others).
5.8.2.3.4. Lack of male partners (albatrosses).
5.8.2.3.5. Stimulating reproduction (whiptail lizards).
5.8.2.3.6. Pleasure and preference: plausible in macaques but hard to prove.
+§2.4 – Caveats
5.8.2.4.1. As with male cases, orgasm in animals can only be inferred.
5.8.2.4.2. Female sexual behavior has been studied far less than male behavior, so true prevalence is probably underestimated.
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+5.9 – Refractory Period
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+§9.1 – Male refractory period
5.9.1.1. What it is: after ejaculation, most men enter a recovery phase in which renewed erection, arousal, or orgasm is difficult or impossible.
5.9.1.2. Duration varies widely: from minutes in some young men to hours or even a day or more in older men; it generally lengthens with age.
5.9.1.3. Likely mechanisms (not fully settled):
• Prolactin surge after orgasm, a leading explanation.
• Drop in dopamine drive, so wanting falls.
• Rise in oxytocin, opioids, and serotonin promoting calm and satiety.
5.9.1.4. Not an energy or sperm shortage: the body isn't truly depleted; the shutdown is neurochemical.
5.9.1.5. Coolidge effect: a new partner can shorten or erase the refractory period (rats, sheep, many others), which shows it isn't simple exhaustion.
5.9.1.6. Exceptions: some men report multiple orgasms without ejaculation, but the evidence is limited and the topic is contested.
5.9.1.7. Animals: males of many species (rats, sheep, bulls) show a post-ejaculatory interval that is shortened by novel partners.
+§9.2 – Female refractory period
5.9.2.1. Masters and Johnson (1960s) found many women can have another orgasm immediately if stimulation continues, with no obligatory recovery phase like most men.
5.9.2.2. Not universal: many women report temporary clitoral hypersensitivity after orgasm that makes more stimulation uncomfortable for minutes or longer.
5.9.2.3. In practice, the difference is "optional" recovery (women) versus "mandatory" recovery (most men).
5.9.2.4. Estimates of how many women have multiple orgasms vary widely by study and definition; many who can don't want to.
5.9.2.5. Over hours to days, there is no good evidence of a hard biological cap. Practical limits are soreness, irritation, dryness, muscle fatigue, and tiredness.
+§9.3 – Male vs. female comparison
5.9.3.1. Men: refractory period is typical and largely mandatory, driven by neurochemistry.
5.9.3.2. Women: recovery is often optional and highly variable; many can continue immediately, others need a pause.
5.9.3.3. Both sexes show a calming, sleepy post-orgasm hormonal state, though it is more often reported by men.
+5.10 – Energy Cost of Orgasm
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+§10.1 – The energy cost
5.10.1.1. Sex is light-to-moderate exercise: about 3 to 4 kcal per minute (Frappier et al., 2013).
5.10.1.2. An average ~25-minute session burns roughly 70 to 85 kcal, about a slice of bread.
5.10.1.3. The orgasm itself lasts seconds, with a short burst of pelvic muscle contraction and a heart rate spike; its cost is negligible.
5.10.1.4. There is no meaningful metabolic debt requiring extra food.
+§10.2 – Why people feel tired afterward
5.10.2.1. Mostly neurochemical: prolactin, oxytocin, and opioids rise, promoting calm and sleepiness.
5.10.2.2. Cortisol and stress arousal drop, which helps people fall asleep.
5.10.2.3. Post-orgasm sleepiness is reported in women too, though more often described by men.
+§10.3 – Animals
5.10.3.1. Males show the cost more than females: rutting red deer stags, elephant seals, and others lose large amounts of body mass in breeding season.
5.10.3.2. Most of that loss comes from fighting, guarding, and not eating, not from ejaculating.
5.10.3.3. For females, the heavy costs come later: gestation and lactation. Mating itself is cheap.
+§10.4 – Bottom line
5.10.4.1. The body doesn't treat orgasm as a large energy expense.
5.10.4.2. Long-term reproduction is expensive, which is why famine shuts down desire and ovulation.
5.10.4.3. A night of repeated orgasms barely registers metabolically.
+5.11 – Overall Takeaways
5.11.1. Humans show a modest average male edge in desire with enormous overlap between the sexes.
5.11.2. Survey bias explains part, but not all, of the gap.
5.11.3. Animal receptivity ranges from hours-long windows to near-constant availability, shaped by ecology and social function.
5.11.4. Abundance permits constant sexual activity; social payoffs explain why some species use it.
5.11.5. Masturbation and same-sex behavior in animals serve multiple functions beyond "relieving pressure."
5.11.6. Sexual violence and dominance-driven mounting show that sex is often a tool of power, not just desire.
5.11.7. Female-female behavior, in prisons and in animals, is more often tied to bonding, relationships, and social function than to dominance.
5.11.8. Most men have a neurochemical refractory period; women's recovery is more often optional and variable.
5.11.9. Orgasm is metabolically cheap; post-orgasm fatigue is neurochemical, not an energy shortage.
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